Autopsies: Kids shot several times in SC home - Live5News.com | Charleston, SC | News, Weather, Sports

Autopsies: Kids shot several times in SC home - Live5News.com | Charleston, SC | News, Weather, Sports

I still do not understand what is wrong with some of the folks in this state?! Every time I open the paper or turn on the evening news, it's either molestation of kids in this state or murder. Just totally disturbing! What's wrong?! Why does this seem to be the only "news" (a.k.a. new story) that we have to hear/read?

Praying for the families in this beautiful state. Praying for the children. Praying for the mom's and dad's. Praying for the uncles and aunts, nieces and nephews; praying for gramma and grampa's! Let's just stop and pray for these people right now, please? :'(

Over it - no, really... OVER IT

It probably wouldn't be so hard to say if it weren't for the idea that it's going to hurt those that think my existence on this planet is for them, personally. Still, it's not those folks who get up every morning wondering if the pain I feel each day will remain under control. It's not those people who wonder if I'll ever have a medicine free day. It's not those people that silently suffer mentally, physically and emotionally because I cannot do the things I enjoy to do every day without pain. So, for them, I am sorry. I'm sorry I cannot do the things I used to do. It's not possible right now. I'm physically broken, emotionally scarred and mentally exhausted trying to put on the plastic smile, keep up with the person I used to be that you want me to be today and do it without crying.

This morning, I had a "get it together" meeting with myself. I've realized I am tired of being tugged on. I'm almost 45 years old now and I haven't had a normal day since I turned 32. Hell, for that matter, I haven't had a normal day since I was 12 years old. 

I've spent my life making other people happy to the very best of my ability. I've taken life in stride. I've sucked it up when I didn't think anyone wanted to hear about what I thought about things. I've stopped doing things I love to do because I didn't want to be "out" when anyone might have needed me. I stopped running, reading, swimming, shopping, walking, hiking, gardening, fishing, camping, riding bikes, sight-seeing, going to church on Sundays, and sewing. I stopped doing lots of things so that I could make myself available to those I love with my whole heart. I have learned how to live without doing things that I enjoy because I wanted to; not because I had to. Now? My kids are grown. I don't have to be so available anymore. My husband and I should be enjoying our 40s, but we're not. Why?

Today, I purchased a cleansing kit for my health. I've got to get back to where I was before 2001. I need to get back to the person who wasn't afraid of falling or wasn't strong enough to lift a 20 lb bag of dog food. I have to get back to the person who could squat for an hour and not bat an eye about it because there was no pain associated with it. I have to get strong in my back again so I can enjoy hiking again. I want to get strong again; inside and out. I'm only going to do that when I stop being "available" to everyone but myself. If I'm not happy, I can't expect ANYONE in my life to make me that way. I have to do that for myself. The only way I know how to do that is to just get off my ass and do it. Stop waiting for that "sunny day" that doesn't come. Stop saying I don't have time, there's other things to do, I've got this to go to or that to tend to in the house... I don't have time of a morning, (because you surely would if you'd go to bed at a decent hour stupid). 

Yep, I'm over it. I'm over being "available". I want to be unavailable for 30 minutes every morning while I go for a run in my neighborhood and NOT BE BOTHERED! I want to be "unavailable" in the afternoons while I work on my yard and my home, with our without my husband there because it totally depends on whether or not he's working out of town or not. I want to be unavailable on Saturday's so that my husband and I can catch up and do stuff together that doesn't involve WORKING. I want to have energy by the end of the day to crawl into bed with my husband and not be TOTALLY spent when he wants to be intimate with me. C'mon!! I'm not 80 freaking years old! I'm 44 years old for God's sake!! I'm not 80!

Where did the time go? What happened to the person I was? Did it start downhill in 2001 when I got sick? Damn!! I got better! I am in remission!! Are you serious that I am still trying to crawl back out of that dark, damp, decrepit hole I was in? Am I not strong enough to come out of the "pain"? Seriously... there are people that live with this condition every day and they're not crying every day with the pain?! They don't see doctors every 3 months because they have to have medicine to make it through the day. I am SICK TO HELL with taking pills!! I'm SICK TO HELL of seeing doctors!! I'm SICK TO HELL of having to curb the ideal things I enjoy because of being in pain... I'm OVER IT I tell you now. I'm surely over it.

Tomorrow is going to be a whole new day. I will run if I can only run a block. I don't care. At least it's a start. I'll be running again before the end of summer. I'll also give back to myself the right to be healthy, strong and youthful. I'm giving myself permission to be the vibrant, beautiful, strong, healthy, energetic and virulent woman that I am inside my heart. It's going to take some time because I didn't get this way over night. Oh no... I've been wallowing for a while now in my own filth. Yep, filth. That's what I said. Filth of sorrow, inability, weakness, fear, isolation, degradation. No more. Not this chick. I am over it.

Watch as I change everything I've been and see what happens to someone when they get "over it".

Just trying to get along...

Every day for the last 2 years I've visited a pain management anesthesiologist office to allow them to help (for a nominal fee) me control osteoarthritis and muscle pain from scoliosis. Let's just say the guy supposed to be helping me spends more time in my WALLET than he does doing the job I've PAID him to do.

After 2 years and over $8K, I'm still in JUST as much pain as I was the day I walked into that clinic on a referral and the only thing I have to show for it is a letter from their collection department because they don't want to continue the agreement of payment per month that they first agreed to accept from me to pay off a $2K balance AFTER insurance. Yes, I enjoy when people BACK OUT on an agreement! NOT!

I work every single day. I have a kid still at home (grown, but still home), a wonderful husband, an aged pet who's been with us for 12 years now and all the details of both lives like everyone else. The exception is that I deal with constant pain in my bones and muscles and don't get any breaks from it.

You'd think that this story is much like millions of others who suffer with other debilitating diseases like Lupus, ALS, MS, MD, Cancer (all kinds), Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), etc. There's a bunch of us in this world who suffer everyday and hope against all good sense that the physicians that we see can and will put personal oath over financial gain and help us restore the best possible life that we can get. NOPE. Don't expect anything because that's what you're going to get ... NOTHING. 

I've decided to pray for this physician. My first thoughts were to curse him for what he's done to me financially while laughing at me when I tell him that the treatments he's giving me DON'T help!! But, I don't because I know I would not want someone to do that to me. With genuine sincerity, I prayed for him to realize his duty and moral obligation to those he's taking money from; help those folks who've entrusted their lives to him and do the best he can to help them as honestly as possible. Finally, when he sees that nothing he can do will help them, LET THEM GO and find someone else but don't keep SUCKING THEIR BANK ACCOUNT DRY! What is wrong with the medical world that they are in it for the money?? Did they forget they took the Hippocratic Oath: 
"Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panacea and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfill according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:

To hold him who has taught me this art as equal to my parents and to live my life in partnership with him, and if he is in need of money to give him a share of mine, and to regard his offspring as equal to my brothers in male lineage and to teach them this art - if they desire to learn it - without fee and covenant; to give a share of precepts and oral instruction and all the other learning to my sons and to the sons of him who has instructed me and to pupils who have signed the covenant and have taken an oath according to the medical law, but to no one else.

I will apply dietetic measures for the benefit of the sick according to my ability and judgment; I will keep them from harm and injustice.

I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody if asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.

I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favor of such men as are engaged in this work.

Whatever houses I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves.

What I may see or hear in the course of the treatment or even outside of the treatment in regard to the life of men, which on no account one must spread abroad, I will keep to myself holding such things shameful to be spoken about.

If I fulfill this path and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come; if I transgress it and swear falsely. may the opposite of all this be my lot."

 ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippocratic_Oath )

Am I now to believe that this is only memorized for the entertainment of peers like a jester to the courts? One would surmise that any physician has it in their heart to do and follow those oaths taken upon completion of their education in this art. Don't assume too quickly though; it is not your best interest that many are in search of. Rather, they are more interested in your income per year and how much you are willing to spend on their skills of their craft.

Yes, it is the American dream to live like a physician, but I know this at the end of the day; Their heaven is now but once they are dead and gone, their heaven is over. Although I'm suffering now, my heaven is not here and when I am dead and gone, I will be the one thankful to live like a child of the King for eternity.

To all physicians; Good luck in your quest for wealth at the peril of those who've entrusted you with their health. You may think you're getting away with something now, but you will meet your Judge after your life here on earth is over. Explain to Him why you took advantage of the sick for the purpose of living like a magician. I'm sure He'll listen intently to your story of "rags to riches" and "I did the best I could..."

Sprinkle some springtime

This time of year it's difficult to walk a little slower or be outside very much because on this side of the equator, it's wintertime. The time of year where everything is dormant and it's cold. Some places are much colder than others, but overall - it's stinking cold!

With this in mind, I realized we all (generally) do the same thing each season; Winter - nothing outside unless forced to; Spring - still rather nippy outside, so we go out but not much until the rains are over; Summer - hog wild we are! We're planting, sowing, weeding, trimming, tanning, sunning, swimming, bbqing, and having a great time; Autumn - slowing down for some and some are hog wild till winter sets in. All this is true for the greatest majority of us.

What if we would make the time to go outside in the winter? How about sit still in the summer? Let our exciting times be between spring and fall?

We get so caught up in a rut we call life that we aren't able to see over the sides of our rut anymore... how sad is it that our lives are passing right by us and we have nothing to show for it but being drones in our own ruts...

its never exactly what it should be

People can quickly become rude when they assume that the people they are speaking to can read between the lines of conversation. The problem is that only the speaker knows what emotions and information has brought them to that conversation.

I recently asked a person in our neighborhood if he knew whose truck was parked in the traffic path. He immediately turned like a mad person on me and chided me for inturrupting his day. It wasn't that I asked something of him physically, but he was having a hard time from others and he angrily took it out on me.

There are many days like this with people that I come into contact with. I am also not alone. Perhaps we should consider this and think about what we are going to say before someone else is a victim of verbal abuse from us.

Its a struggle

I view life like the seasons and with each season, there's good and bad that happens. Today, I'm longing for spring. Not the season for the physical but the spiritual. I'm longing for the time where there's water for my soul after a long cold dry spell; where I can hear the songs of life around me and the sun's warmth is welcomed to my heart. I long to feel the breeze on my mind to blow away the dust & refresh my thoughts. I yearn for the touch of color that springtime in my soul brings and the smile it puts on my face. I know with these struggles of change it will undoubtedly be uncomfortable, but I will continue forward because I know what happens when the struggle is over.

It is wonderful when you have no cares to cast off and your heart sings within you. It is wonderful that no tears are shed out of sorrow and laughter is what rocks you throughout the day; always in peace. It's magnificent to have the times of peace after a long fought battle and when the pruning of your life, weeding of your soul and stretching of your mind is over, rest is bliss. Those are the days I am longing for, but I know I'm still getting pruned. At least, right now I am. I feel the stretching and it's painful. I feel the cutting of the pruning shears and it hurts. I feel the cold wind in my soul and there is no sunshine right now. I know that the sunshine is coming, but it's not here yet...

There is something in my focus right now. It is lush, and beautiful. It's timbers are so beautiful and it's invitation is to my family. It's corridors are brilliant like fashioned beryl and it's windows a sheer delight to look upon. Its threshold waits for our footsteps on it and my heart aches to be within it's walls. I imagine what I will do within it and with it; taking great care of this gemstone and the joy that we'll have there. Its fragrance is peace; it's service to us a trust and only God's will can provide it regardless of the 'decision makers' and their trusty pens.

I'll wait not on the ones who wield their pen but on Him who has fashioned me and my family and has promised me that He is the final authority of my life. I'll wait knowing that when my gift is received, it will have the heavenly snow from God's storehouse on it that eternally gives peace to those who receive. This gift will rot but it's permanent gift will be more glorious than anything I've ever laid my heart to receive in all my life. "Just a touch now my Lord and King; just a touch now. But in the end, I'll have all that You've assured me to have and not because of anything I've done; but all You have done for me by Your love."

I'll wait -

Boundaries

On the weekend I learned that I could have Kindle on my Motorola Droid. That was awesome because I spend a great deal of time reading. This could be an addicting thing! Nevertheless, I started searching for what is 'eating Gilbert Grape' this week; my kids.

I stumble upon (no registered trademark infringement or advertisement meant)this book that talks about setting boundaries for your adult kids. As I began to read this, I was shocked that it isn't my kids' fault but my own that they continue to 'expect everything' from me but give very little back because again, they expected it of me and that makes it an obligation to me.

Long story short, I'm learning to set the boundaries. I'm learning that now my physical parenting days are over and my spiritual parenting days are just beginning. Now it's time to pray and thank God that I have done my part and know without doubt that they've been prepared for Him to do His.