Autopsies: Kids shot several times in SC home - Live5News.com | Charleston, SC | News, Weather, Sports
I still do not understand what is wrong with some of the folks in this state?! Every time I open the paper or turn on the evening news, it's either molestation of kids in this state or murder. Just totally disturbing! What's wrong?! Why does this seem to be the only "news" (a.k.a. new story) that we have to hear/read?
Praying for the families in this beautiful state. Praying for the children. Praying for the mom's and dad's. Praying for the uncles and aunts, nieces and nephews; praying for gramma and grampa's! Let's just stop and pray for these people right now, please? :'(
Friday, May 17, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
Over it - no, really... OVER IT
It probably wouldn't be so hard to say if it weren't for the idea that it's going to hurt those that think my existence on this planet is for them, personally. Still, it's not those folks who get up every morning wondering if the pain I feel each day will remain under control. It's not those people who wonder if I'll ever have a medicine free day. It's not those people that silently suffer mentally, physically and emotionally because I cannot do the things I enjoy to do every day without pain. So, for them, I am sorry. I'm sorry I cannot do the things I used to do. It's not possible right now. I'm physically broken, emotionally scarred and mentally exhausted trying to put on the plastic smile, keep up with the person I used to be that you want me to be today and do it without crying.
This morning, I had a "get it together" meeting with myself. I've realized I am tired of being tugged on. I'm almost 45 years old now and I haven't had a normal day since I turned 32. Hell, for that matter, I haven't had a normal day since I was 12 years old.
I've spent my life making other people happy to the very best of my ability. I've taken life in stride. I've sucked it up when I didn't think anyone wanted to hear about what I thought about things. I've stopped doing things I love to do because I didn't want to be "out" when anyone might have needed me. I stopped running, reading, swimming, shopping, walking, hiking, gardening, fishing, camping, riding bikes, sight-seeing, going to church on Sundays, and sewing. I stopped doing lots of things so that I could make myself available to those I love with my whole heart. I have learned how to live without doing things that I enjoy because I wanted to; not because I had to. Now? My kids are grown. I don't have to be so available anymore. My husband and I should be enjoying our 40s, but we're not. Why?
Today, I purchased a cleansing kit for my health. I've got to get back to where I was before 2001. I need to get back to the person who wasn't afraid of falling or wasn't strong enough to lift a 20 lb bag of dog food. I have to get back to the person who could squat for an hour and not bat an eye about it because there was no pain associated with it. I have to get strong in my back again so I can enjoy hiking again. I want to get strong again; inside and out. I'm only going to do that when I stop being "available" to everyone but myself. If I'm not happy, I can't expect ANYONE in my life to make me that way. I have to do that for myself. The only way I know how to do that is to just get off my ass and do it. Stop waiting for that "sunny day" that doesn't come. Stop saying I don't have time, there's other things to do, I've got this to go to or that to tend to in the house... I don't have time of a morning, (because you surely would if you'd go to bed at a decent hour stupid).
Yep, I'm over it. I'm over being "available". I want to be unavailable for 30 minutes every morning while I go for a run in my neighborhood and NOT BE BOTHERED! I want to be "unavailable" in the afternoons while I work on my yard and my home, with our without my husband there because it totally depends on whether or not he's working out of town or not. I want to be unavailable on Saturday's so that my husband and I can catch up and do stuff together that doesn't involve WORKING. I want to have energy by the end of the day to crawl into bed with my husband and not be TOTALLY spent when he wants to be intimate with me. C'mon!! I'm not 80 freaking years old! I'm 44 years old for God's sake!! I'm not 80!
Where did the time go? What happened to the person I was? Did it start downhill in 2001 when I got sick? Damn!! I got better! I am in remission!! Are you serious that I am still trying to crawl back out of that dark, damp, decrepit hole I was in? Am I not strong enough to come out of the "pain"? Seriously... there are people that live with this condition every day and they're not crying every day with the pain?! They don't see doctors every 3 months because they have to have medicine to make it through the day. I am SICK TO HELL with taking pills!! I'm SICK TO HELL of seeing doctors!! I'm SICK TO HELL of having to curb the ideal things I enjoy because of being in pain... I'm OVER IT I tell you now. I'm surely over it.
Tomorrow is going to be a whole new day. I will run if I can only run a block. I don't care. At least it's a start. I'll be running again before the end of summer. I'll also give back to myself the right to be healthy, strong and youthful. I'm giving myself permission to be the vibrant, beautiful, strong, healthy, energetic and virulent woman that I am inside my heart. It's going to take some time because I didn't get this way over night. Oh no... I've been wallowing for a while now in my own filth. Yep, filth. That's what I said. Filth of sorrow, inability, weakness, fear, isolation, degradation. No more. Not this chick. I am over it.
Watch as I change everything I've been and see what happens to someone when they get "over it".
This morning, I had a "get it together" meeting with myself. I've realized I am tired of being tugged on. I'm almost 45 years old now and I haven't had a normal day since I turned 32. Hell, for that matter, I haven't had a normal day since I was 12 years old.
I've spent my life making other people happy to the very best of my ability. I've taken life in stride. I've sucked it up when I didn't think anyone wanted to hear about what I thought about things. I've stopped doing things I love to do because I didn't want to be "out" when anyone might have needed me. I stopped running, reading, swimming, shopping, walking, hiking, gardening, fishing, camping, riding bikes, sight-seeing, going to church on Sundays, and sewing. I stopped doing lots of things so that I could make myself available to those I love with my whole heart. I have learned how to live without doing things that I enjoy because I wanted to; not because I had to. Now? My kids are grown. I don't have to be so available anymore. My husband and I should be enjoying our 40s, but we're not. Why?
Today, I purchased a cleansing kit for my health. I've got to get back to where I was before 2001. I need to get back to the person who wasn't afraid of falling or wasn't strong enough to lift a 20 lb bag of dog food. I have to get back to the person who could squat for an hour and not bat an eye about it because there was no pain associated with it. I have to get strong in my back again so I can enjoy hiking again. I want to get strong again; inside and out. I'm only going to do that when I stop being "available" to everyone but myself. If I'm not happy, I can't expect ANYONE in my life to make me that way. I have to do that for myself. The only way I know how to do that is to just get off my ass and do it. Stop waiting for that "sunny day" that doesn't come. Stop saying I don't have time, there's other things to do, I've got this to go to or that to tend to in the house... I don't have time of a morning, (because you surely would if you'd go to bed at a decent hour stupid).
Yep, I'm over it. I'm over being "available". I want to be unavailable for 30 minutes every morning while I go for a run in my neighborhood and NOT BE BOTHERED! I want to be "unavailable" in the afternoons while I work on my yard and my home, with our without my husband there because it totally depends on whether or not he's working out of town or not. I want to be unavailable on Saturday's so that my husband and I can catch up and do stuff together that doesn't involve WORKING. I want to have energy by the end of the day to crawl into bed with my husband and not be TOTALLY spent when he wants to be intimate with me. C'mon!! I'm not 80 freaking years old! I'm 44 years old for God's sake!! I'm not 80!
Where did the time go? What happened to the person I was? Did it start downhill in 2001 when I got sick? Damn!! I got better! I am in remission!! Are you serious that I am still trying to crawl back out of that dark, damp, decrepit hole I was in? Am I not strong enough to come out of the "pain"? Seriously... there are people that live with this condition every day and they're not crying every day with the pain?! They don't see doctors every 3 months because they have to have medicine to make it through the day. I am SICK TO HELL with taking pills!! I'm SICK TO HELL of seeing doctors!! I'm SICK TO HELL of having to curb the ideal things I enjoy because of being in pain... I'm OVER IT I tell you now. I'm surely over it.
Tomorrow is going to be a whole new day. I will run if I can only run a block. I don't care. At least it's a start. I'll be running again before the end of summer. I'll also give back to myself the right to be healthy, strong and youthful. I'm giving myself permission to be the vibrant, beautiful, strong, healthy, energetic and virulent woman that I am inside my heart. It's going to take some time because I didn't get this way over night. Oh no... I've been wallowing for a while now in my own filth. Yep, filth. That's what I said. Filth of sorrow, inability, weakness, fear, isolation, degradation. No more. Not this chick. I am over it.
Watch as I change everything I've been and see what happens to someone when they get "over it".
Friday, January 25, 2013
Just trying to get along...
Every day for the last 2 years I've visited a pain management anesthesiologist office to allow them to help (for a nominal fee) me control osteoarthritis and muscle pain from scoliosis. Let's just say the guy supposed to be helping me spends more time in my WALLET than he does doing the job I've PAID him to do.
After 2 years and over $8K, I'm still in JUST as much pain as I was the day I walked into that clinic on a referral and the only thing I have to show for it is a letter from their collection department because they don't want to continue the agreement of payment per month that they first agreed to accept from me to pay off a $2K balance AFTER insurance. Yes, I enjoy when people BACK OUT on an agreement! NOT!
I work every single day. I have a kid still at home (grown, but still home), a wonderful husband, an aged pet who's been with us for 12 years now and all the details of both lives like everyone else. The exception is that I deal with constant pain in my bones and muscles and don't get any breaks from it.
You'd think that this story is much like millions of others who suffer with other debilitating diseases like Lupus, ALS, MS, MD, Cancer (all kinds), Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), etc. There's a bunch of us in this world who suffer everyday and hope against all good sense that the physicians that we see can and will put personal oath over financial gain and help us restore the best possible life that we can get. NOPE. Don't expect anything because that's what you're going to get ... NOTHING.
I've decided to pray for this physician. My first thoughts were to curse him for what he's done to me financially while laughing at me when I tell him that the treatments he's giving me DON'T help!! But, I don't because I know I would not want someone to do that to me. With genuine sincerity, I prayed for him to realize his duty and moral obligation to those he's taking money from; help those folks who've entrusted their lives to him and do the best he can to help them as honestly as possible. Finally, when he sees that nothing he can do will help them, LET THEM GO and find someone else but don't keep SUCKING THEIR BANK ACCOUNT DRY! What is wrong with the medical world that they are in it for the money?? Did they forget they took the Hippocratic Oath:
"Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panacea and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfill according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:
After 2 years and over $8K, I'm still in JUST as much pain as I was the day I walked into that clinic on a referral and the only thing I have to show for it is a letter from their collection department because they don't want to continue the agreement of payment per month that they first agreed to accept from me to pay off a $2K balance AFTER insurance. Yes, I enjoy when people BACK OUT on an agreement! NOT!
I work every single day. I have a kid still at home (grown, but still home), a wonderful husband, an aged pet who's been with us for 12 years now and all the details of both lives like everyone else. The exception is that I deal with constant pain in my bones and muscles and don't get any breaks from it.
You'd think that this story is much like millions of others who suffer with other debilitating diseases like Lupus, ALS, MS, MD, Cancer (all kinds), Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), etc. There's a bunch of us in this world who suffer everyday and hope against all good sense that the physicians that we see can and will put personal oath over financial gain and help us restore the best possible life that we can get. NOPE. Don't expect anything because that's what you're going to get ... NOTHING.
I've decided to pray for this physician. My first thoughts were to curse him for what he's done to me financially while laughing at me when I tell him that the treatments he's giving me DON'T help!! But, I don't because I know I would not want someone to do that to me. With genuine sincerity, I prayed for him to realize his duty and moral obligation to those he's taking money from; help those folks who've entrusted their lives to him and do the best he can to help them as honestly as possible. Finally, when he sees that nothing he can do will help them, LET THEM GO and find someone else but don't keep SUCKING THEIR BANK ACCOUNT DRY! What is wrong with the medical world that they are in it for the money?? Did they forget they took the Hippocratic Oath:
"Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panacea and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfill according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:
To hold him who has taught me this art as equal to my parents and to live my life in partnership with him, and if he is in need of money to give him a share of mine, and to regard his offspring as equal to my brothers in male lineage and to teach them this art - if they desire to learn it - without fee and covenant; to give a share of precepts and oral instruction and all the other learning to my sons and to the sons of him who has instructed me and to pupils who have signed the covenant and have taken an oath according to the medical law, but to no one else.
I will apply dietetic measures for the benefit of the sick according to my ability and judgment; I will keep them from harm and injustice.
I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody if asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.
I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favor of such men as are engaged in this work.
Whatever houses I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves.
What I may see or hear in the course of the treatment or even outside of the treatment in regard to the life of men, which on no account one must spread abroad, I will keep to myself holding such things shameful to be spoken about.
If I fulfill this path and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come; if I transgress it and swear falsely. may the opposite of all this be my lot."
Am I now to believe that this is only memorized for the entertainment of peers like a jester to the courts? One would surmise that any physician has it in their heart to do and follow those oaths taken upon completion of their education in this art. Don't assume too quickly though; it is not your best interest that many are in search of. Rather, they are more interested in your income per year and how much you are willing to spend on their skills of their craft.
Yes, it is the American dream to live like a physician, but I know this at the end of the day; Their heaven is now but once they are dead and gone, their heaven is over. Although I'm suffering now, my heaven is not here and when I am dead and gone, I will be the one thankful to live like a child of the King for eternity.
To all physicians; Good luck in your quest for wealth at the peril of those who've entrusted you with their health. You may think you're getting away with something now, but you will meet your Judge after your life here on earth is over. Explain to Him why you took advantage of the sick for the purpose of living like a magician. I'm sure He'll listen intently to your story of "rags to riches" and "I did the best I could..."
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