Sometimes I feel lost at sea. Most days I wonder why I bother to help anyone. I do my very best to be kind to every person who asks me to help them. I give more of myself than I even expect out of others and I hope against all hope that the return will be worth the investment.
Yesterday evening at 10:45pm, I watched my 17 year old son make a decision to walk out on his education and his family. He knows everything. If you don't believe me, just ask him. He'll tell you that his mom and dad are "old fashioned" and "expect more out of him than he can offer". I guess that makes sense to a 17 year old but I can promise you that if I love you, I'm quite aware of what you're capable of doing.
His so called "best friend" cussed him up one side and down the other. Called him names that should have frozen his tongue to the roof of his mouth. Said things that were cruel and unkind by any stretch of the imagination and then left it at that; as if he's okay with knowing if anything happens to him, he'll be responsible for those words the rest of his life.
I did come back with something to those hateful words though... his friend is 31 years old. I told him I hoped that he lost both of his parents in the same day and then the friends he has treat him with the same respect and support that he gave my son. I pray that God will forgive me for the rage I felt as I said that, but I honestly hope that he experiences what he gave to my son. I really hope he feels the sorrow and loss that my son felt as he walked away from his "friend". You have no clue how much I hope that the "friend" feels that emotion very, very soon. That would be retribution!
My husband is brokenhearted about our son's choice. We couldn't make him see that this is the worst decision for his future that he can make. No, he cannot come back home and call it his home. He will now and forever will be a guest in our home. No; he cannot come back and live with us. To allow that would be allowing him to do things that are wrong & our agreement to allow it. I cannot do that. I will never allow him to be hungry or without a bed, but I will never allow him to live with me again. That in itself breaks my heart into. Talk about the prodigal son!
My daughter is getting it right. I'm feeling more and more positive about her choices and I feel like she's ready to finally live life. I hope that she realizes that what I want for her brother, I also want for her. To have the very best that she can obtain from life and to be as happy as she can be with what she can accomplish. I want the both of them to know that their only obstacles are their thoughts and by believing in who they are, they can go far. God alone will be their ultimate guide if they will allow Him to and by faith, nothing is impossible.
Just another day for me. At 41 years old, I feel 80 in my heart. I've seen it, done it and experienced everything that can happen to a person. I've heard it all... still, I cannot say I know it all. I'm just getting close to it.
God bless all today. I hope that the world will not be your teacher. I pray that the Holy Spirit will be each one of our teachers because He is love and the world is death...
